A Series of Unfortunate Events: Adventures of Delivery Men

Hello All,
I have some humorous stories for you all for your reading enjoyment :o)

Let me begin with the story of the cable guy, who I will dub "The AT&T Man". The AT&T Man arrived, and from the time he got here, I had the impression that he was trying to find any excuse why Rachel couldn't have U-Verse. He kept asking me questions that I clearly wouldn't know the answer to like "How many phone wires run to this unit?" and "Where is the main phone line for this building?" to which I replied "Err, I have no idea." He would look at different wires around the unit, and shake his head. Eventually, he overcame his defeatist attitude, and found the building phone line down where the storage units are in the basement. Rachel's apartment has two doors, the front which leads to the hallway, and a back door that leads to the locked courtyard.

I left the back door cracked, so he could come in and out. I was on the phone with a furniture company, when the AT&T Man beeped in, asking me to let him in the front door. I walked out of the apartment into the hallway to let him into the main front door, and I heard the door slam behind me. Yes, the door closed and locked behind me, so I had locked myself out of the unit. Rachel was at work, so I was screwed. The back door is enclosed by the locked gate, and the AT&T Man saw the bewilderment on my face, and goes "Uhh, did you just lock us out?" Yes. Yes, I did. He said, "hmm, OK come with me." So we walked around back, he takes out a screwdriver, and like a key just opens the gate. He looks over at me, and says with a chuckle "Uhh, don't tell anyone I did this. I might get in trouble if you said I was breaking into houses."
 OK, so this was great that our cable man got us out of a potentially shitty situation, but pretty scary that with a screwdriver people can just undo a lock. Especially for someone like me and Rachel who watch an onslaught on Forensic Files and Cold Case File Episodes.

Moving on to the Fedex Delivery Man. He was a 65-year-old gentlemen. You may be wondering, how do I know his age? Well, between grunting and complaining, he kept telling me he was 65-years-old, retired, and just doing this for extra money. He came complete with a full on gray mullet, tattoos on his arms that were so fuzzy they were no longer decipherable, and a gold earring in one ear that dangled on a chain. Cutie Pie. So, yeah, Rachel shipped herself 11 boxes from Fedex of linens, clothes, shoes, and one or two boxes of dishes. The guy was full-out grunting, sweating, and shaking his head the whole time. Then, on his last load he goes "Yeah, I didn't know I was a mover." Gotta love disgruntled employees around the holidays <3
The boxes in her hallways-------------------------------->
Last, but certainly not least, RONALDO THE COUCH MAN. My favorite of all. Rachel and I scouted a large gray sectional sofa at Big Lots, but when we asked to purchase it they said they were sold out. Of course. So, a few days later Rachel, Josh, and I went furniture store shopping at other stores. We even picked out a couch at another store, but when we went to buy it they said the soonest they could have it to us was by Friday. Meanwhile the only seating in the apartment we have currently are two bar stools. So, we said we couldn't wait, and back to Big Lots we went. We showed Josh the couch we originally like, but he said he thought it would be too big, and we all decided on a smaller, green sectional sofa. They were sold out of that one too, but agreed to sell us the floor model.

Big Lots does not have a delivery company, but recommends Ronaldo for deliveries. So, we called Ronaldo to schedule the delivery, and gave him the name of the couch, the description of the couch, and numbers off the receipt. He told me he would be here by Noon. Then, noon passes...one passes...two passes, and he calls me to tell me he is at the store wrapping up our items. Maria the manager at Big Lots calls me to ask for the transaction number on the receipt, and a few more codes from the receipt. Finally around 3:45PM Ronaldo, and his friends arrive. I wasn't paying attention when they brought in the first piece of the sofa, but my Mom walked over and goes "Oh, this is a nice neutral color." I look over, and it is THE WRONG COUCH. Yes. The wrong sectional. After I have given numbers from the receipt to Ronaldo and Maria, they accidentally delivered the gray sectional Rachel and I originally wanted.  I told my Mom that isn't the couch we ordered, but I didn't say anything to Ronaldo and the boys because I was in shock.

**Fun Fact** When Ronaldo showed up he was wearing an I <3 JESUS hat. Can you be rude to that? I think not.

So, I watched in shock as they brought in all 3 large pieces of the gray couch, and assembled it in Rachel's living room. After they left, I told my Mom that I actually liked this couch more then the green one, and seeing it in the living room, I thought it looked good. 30 minutes after Ronaldo left, the Big Lots manager, Maria, called to tell us she thinks they delivered the wrong couch. I played dumb. I said my sister Rachel was at work (which was true), and that I didn't know what couch was supposed to be delivered. I needed to stall until Rachel got off work, so I could ask what she wanted to do.

The couch they delivered was bigger and more expensive, and perfect for what Rachel wanted. Rachel said she was OK with keeping the mistaken couch, but didn't want to pay the difference in price since they made the mistake. We sent in Chief Negotiator, aka Olivia, to call Maria.

In the end, Olivia got Maria to let us keep the couch, and not pay any additional money for it. So Rachel payed for a 2-piece sectional with 10% since it was a floor model, and came out with a 3 piece sectional for no additional money :o) Way to go Olivia!

JACKPOT!!